We don’t exactly know when, but they are coming.

In 2020, President Donald Trump signed a law requiring the Pentagon to produce an unclassified report for Congress revealing what the government knew about UFOs. On June 1, The Washington Post published an article headlined “Close Encounters: Democrats and Republicans unified in taking UFOs seriously.”

The Department of Defense released three videos taken by U.S. Navy pilots revealing mysterious flying objects that to this day remain unidentified. The declassified footage shows unidentified objects flying at high speeds in the Earth’s atmosphere, along with audio of Navy pilots expressing shock and awe.

A Pentagon official had this to say: “After a thorough review, the department has determined that the authorized release of these unclassified videos does not reveal any sensitive capabilities or systems, and does not impinge on any subsequent investigations of military air space incursions by unidentified aerial phenomena.”

This information was being closely monitored by Mission Command on Alpha Centauri. The news pushed the decision makers of Operation ITILOPE (Is There Intelligent Life On Planet Earth) to come up with an action plan. Gen. Ripley Prometheus sent a list of parameters and comments for an initial landing site to his senior officers via ESP, VR, AR and AI. It went directly to their hippocampus for review.

• “The Spaceship.” The largest saucer-shaped building on Earth is located in Cupertino, at Apple Park (aka “The Spaceship”). Do we know if it is operational? What type of armaments does it have? What are Apples?

• Siliconia. This innovation sector is defined by San Francisco to the north and Morgan Hill to the south. We will target the technology center of the world. Is there anything worth taking?

• Take Us to Your Leaders. Surely, we won’t land in Washington, D.C. Instead, let’s talk to those gazillionaires who think it’s a big deal to Stomp Rocket themselves 63 miles up.

• Head for the Hills. Follow the money – there are plenty of landing pads in Los Altos Hills. Many of the citizens who run Siliconia live in the Hills.

• NASA Ames. It had something to do with elementary planetary exploration. Maybe we should do a flyby?

• Four legs like us. We have noticed that many of their leaders have four legs and noses just like us. Maybe we can schedule a sitdown. They could also have the bears join the conversation.

The decision has been made, they are coming to the streets of Los Altos. Be prepared. If you wake up one morning and all the crows, blackbirds, seagulls, wrens, other winged creatures and squirrels are gone, you might want to shelter in place.

I’m just guessing that after they spend a few days among us, they will phone home with this coded message back to HQ on Alpha Centauri: “Klaatu barada nikto.” Loosely translated: “We have not found intelligent life here and will leave these Siliconians in peace.”

Andy Dolich, a Los Altos resident, owns the sports consultancy Dolich & Associates.