Other Voices: OTBWs

 

I am hearing more creativity used every day with the language formerly known as English. Seems I might get a head start on some new words that could be easily integrated into conversations. Here are some of my OTBWs (Ought to Be Words):

• Apocalypso: Mayan dance craze

• Dilenema: Major problem; herbed emetic

• Croclamation: Government bloviation

• Punditz: Whacked-out commentator; spacy rhymer

• Scarcastic: Long-lasting verbal barb

• Missiletoe: Kim Jong-un’s foot problem

• Misconscrewed: Incorrectly sentenced to a long prison term

• Schlubification: New American haute couture with sweatpants as formal attire

• Skimer: Downhill skier and white collar criminal

• Jockular: Pro athlete with a keen sense of humor

• Popeulation: Vatican’s position on birth control

• Himalayer: Tibetan brick layer; confused egg-laying chicken

• Logistics: Graduate school course for lumberjacks

• Hairloom: Very expensive toupee

• Furlow: Inexpensive mink

• Congmess: U.S. legislative body

• Tressbassing: Fishing on private ponds without permission

• Sighcopath: Repentant nutjob

• Idiotsyncrasy: Stupid mannerism

• Contraband: Oliver North’s musical group; how a Southerner pronounces “country band”

• Mananarama: Party hosted by U.S. and Mexican political parties

• Pedalstalist: Bike rider with an outsized ego

• Lieberry: Nontruthful fruit

• Cryobank: Best place to deposit your frozen governmental assets

• Elaborevaporation: Detailed plan that disappears before implementation

• Massagenist: Completely confused sexist pig at a spa

• Siestatration: Slow-moving U.S. Congress budgetary program; really bad groin accident that can happen when men fall asleep

• Andronamoid: Hard-to-figure-out cellphone

• Consommated: Soup with sex

• Radicchiolessness: Pompous utterance from a salad snob

• Carbage: 95 percent of the automobile ads on TV

• Llamaha: No. 1 selling automobile in Peru

• Tworking: Typical 9-5 day for Miley Cyrus

• Y’allgorithm: Common divisor for Southern computer programmers

• Perview: Peeping Tom’s location

• Afflueffluence: Extremely rich gassy person

• Transcendentist: Best oral surgeon ever

• Euthinasia: Teenagers in Beijing

• Psychic John: Bidet that can tell the future

• Carcrashadashian: Their own family version of “Groundhog Day”

• Shiner: Largest country in the world, according to POTUS 45

• Obitchuary: Complaining about someone who is already dead

• Lackumen: Bereft of business intelligence

 

Andy Dolich operates Dolich & Associates, a sports consultancy in Los Altos.

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