Silicon Folly: COVID choreography

During a recent stroll into and around town, it hit me: I was seeing an entirely new form of dance being created right in front of my mask. The brilliance of Twyla Tharp, James Brown, Michael Jackson, Alvin Ailey, Fred Astaire and Dancing Penguins popped into my mind.

Have you seen any of these new forms of COVID choreography?

• Samba Sidestep. The sidewalk isn’t big enough for both of us, so I’ll just move my hips and go inside to your outside.

• The Twist. Use the footprints on the sidewalk to navigate in and out of one-customer-at-a-time shops. I got your mobile order right here!

• Biker’s Bolero. More two-wheelers in the streets make the left/right Bolero confusing. Where should they Paso Doble?

• Mask On-Off Mambo. It’s on, off, on, off. Make sure your hands and feet are synchronized. Watch your glasses!

• Mashed Potatoes. This isn’t actually potatoes, but doggie donations. Gotta get that stuff off your soles somehow. Just another Dog Day Afternoon in Los Altos.

• Eyeball Tango. I’m reading your peepers, but I can’t tell which way you’re going.

• The Freeze. This group is still working on its COVID choreography, and they just turn into statues when they see you coming.

• I’m Walkin’ Here Hop. They think all sidewalks are theirs. If you see them coming, just get out of the way.

• Purell Pirouette. These multitaskers are cleaning up their mitts, walking, masking and phoning home. They will just spin by you without a care.

• Wagon Train. What’s your move when the full-house family of strollers, wagons, scooters and bowsers are coming your way? I just go with the Cross the Street Stroll.

• Chorus Line. It’s the high schoolers walking five abreast practicing their own dance moves. You might as well be invisible.

• Electric Slide. This is what all the scooters, skaters and electric-wheelers use. They see you and just slide on by.

• Pole Dance. What you do when the walkers are jammed up at stop lights, power poles, street lamps and crosswalks.

There is a perfect opportunity for rhythmic residents to take advantage of the street closures on Main and State streets: Stage the ultimate flash mob community dance celebration. I’ll leave it up to the local dance studios and dance mavens to come up with the perfectly socially distanced masked choreography. I’d suggest they look at these movie scenes for inspiration: finale from “Slumdog Millionaire” in Bollywood style, “Footloose,” Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.” Make sure the little hoofers get to participate – take a look at “Happy Feet.”

Stay safe, sane and dancing in the New Different.

Andy Dolich operates Dolich & Associates, a sports consultancy in Los Altos.

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