Last updateFri, 21 Apr 2017 10am

Grandma envy: Haugh About That?

Coming home from another baby shower, I threw my purse across the room, clenched my fingers into a fist, and screamed, “If I hear one more time how wonderful being a grandparent is, I think I’ll kill myself! No, better yet, I’ll kill that nauseating grandmother. It can’t be that good!”

Pouring myself a glass of wine to calm my annoyance from all the ooey-gooey gurgling about how cute, funny, precious and sweet they are, as if grandchildren were the be-all and end-all (and without them you’re nothing), I plopped down on the couch, prepared to have a surly pity party. But as I took the first sip, I instantly fell into tears.

New school: The Villaj Idiut

I don’t know what U.S. Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos has in mind for making our schools great again, but I have my own very distinct idea of what she should do to make a lasting impact on America’s youth.

DeVos should make it mandatory that every school system in the country – public, private, charter – include a series of classes in their curricula on cellphone and social media use. I’m of the opinion that there is not one thing that would be more beneficial to our children right now than teaching them how to be responsible users of their mobile devices.

Trump vs. Oprah: No Shoes, Please

The scroll at the bottom of the screen read, “Oprah hints at 2020 presidential bid.” I later saw a snippet of a Bloomberg interview in which Winfrey was asked about her aspirations to political office in light of President Trump’s election. She stated, “I never considered the question even a possibility.”

But she went on to say, “I thought, ‘Oh, gee, I don’t have the experience, I don’t know enough.’ And now I’m thinking, ‘Oh.’” She elongated the ‘o’ sound in “oh,” as if she were in the midst of one of her famous “a-ha moments.”

Things my mother said to me: A Piece of My Mind

“Anything worth doing is worth doing well.”

But also (of a small rip or a crooked seam on a dress): “It’ll never show on a galloping horse.”

Missing out: Haugh About That?

Sitting across from my girlfriend at Starbucks, I had an overwhelming feeling that something was not quite right, a stirring deep within as if a mean girl were taunting, “I know something you don’t!”

As my friend discussed the latest about her family, I realized that I’d become vacant.

Spring cleaning: Megan's Musings

We had to get out. Immediately. Through frantic hand gestures, I attempted to convey the urgency to my mother, but she was chatting away with the clerk. Anyway, it was too late, because my sister recognized the scuffed-up boots and the bead necklaces and the shiny blue prom dress that had transformed her into a mermaid a decade before; the thrift store was littered with her worldly possessions, all for sale. And we had put them there.

I am a traitor. A “recovering” hoarder myself (I hear my husband scoff as I type this), I know how novelty sunglasses and ratty concert T-shirts can bewitch through nostalgia-laced spells. I’ve experienced the sense of betrayal that accompanies the discovery of personal treasures clandestinely trashed or donated. But, truly, in this instance, I was aiding and abetting for a greater good: my mom’s sanity.

Ashes to ashes to ashes: The Villaj Idiut

I always thought I’d want to be cremated when I die.

It was sort of a romantic notion, really, the idea of a part of me lying in the sand at Carmel listening to beach music permanently, or floating around the Chesapeake Bay and reliving my childhood when I worked on crab boats on the crests of waves around Thomas Point Lighthouse.

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