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News

Enchanté plaza remains open to the public

Enchanté plaza remains open to the public

Alicia Castro/Town Crier
The plaza area at Enchanté Boutique Hotel now serves drinks and small plates.

The Los Altos City Council Aug. 25 voted unanimously in favor of Enchanté Boutique Hotel serving beverages and small plates to the public on t...

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Schools

Mountain View High launches Bring Your Own Device program

Mountain View High launches Bring Your Own Device program


Megan V. Winslow/Town Crier
Mountain View High School staff distribute Chromebooks to students last week. The school is rolling out the Bring Your Own Device program this year, which gives students and teachers around-the-clock access to laptops.

Mo...

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Community

'Rock Back the Clock': End of an era, beginning of new one

'Rock Back the Clock': End of an era, beginning of new one


Town Crier File Photo
Time has run out for “Rock Back the Clock,” the 1950s-themed dance party at Rancho Shopping Center.

After 25 successful years, the “Rock Back the Clock” Committee has decided to end the annual 1950s-themed event held at R...

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Sports

Dean of the badminton court

Dean of the badminton court


Courtesy of the Tan family
Los Altos resident Dean Tan and mixed- doubles partner Jenny Gai stand on the podium shortly after winning the gold at the 2015 Pan Am Junior Badminton Championships earlier this month in Tijuana, Mexico.

Dean Tan began pl...

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Comment

Warning: Useless flood basin ahead

Our water and fire agencies receive much attention (and scrutiny) during the hot, dry days of summer – water for the lack of it and fire for its widespread destruction. During this extreme drought year, we are deluged with water conservation ma...

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Special Sections

A tale of two Los Altos love stories: Country club classic


Photos Courtesy of Kelly Boitano Photography
Lindsey Murray and Christof Wessbecher tie the knot in Los Altos.

Lindsey Murray and Christof Wessbecher grew up in parallel Los Altos orbits, never meeting – he went to St. Francis High School, sh...

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Business

Five thoughts on the current market correction

The 531-point drop in the Dow Jones industrial average Friday (Aug. 21) was certainly headline grabbing in its magnitude. It represented a one-day 3.1 percent drop in the index and resulted in a 10 percent correction from its high in May.

It’s compl...

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People

BRUCE CHARLES MEYER

BRUCE CHARLES MEYER

Bruce Charles Meyer, 81, died Wednesday, August 5th at his home in Carmel, California. He leaves his wife Valda Cotsworth and her daughter Katie Roos; his sons, Bruce and Joseph Meyer from his first marriage and his brother Gordon Meyer; four grand...

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Travel

Carmel Valley Ranch unveils upgrades

Carmel Valley Ranch unveils upgrades


Courtesy of Carmel Valley Ranch
Carmel Valley Ranch recently upgraded its Vineyard Oak suites, which feature sweeping views, rocking chairs and private outdoor tubs for soaking under the stars.

Things are heating up at Carmel Valley Ranch, with 30 n...

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Stepping Out

Open 'House'

Open 'House'


Kevin Berne/Special to the Town Crier
Anna Patterson (played by Kimberly King) accepts a drink from Michael Astor (Jason Kuykendall) in “The Country House.”

TheaterWorks Silicon Valley’s regional premiere of “The Country House” is scheduled to r...

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Spiritual Life

Los Altos native combines Judaism, social justice, advocacy

Los Altos native combines Judaism, social justice, advocacy


Los Altos native Gabriel Lehrman’s passion for Judaism, social justice and advocacy brought him to Washington, D.C., this summer for the Machon Kaplan Summer Social Action Internship program at the Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism.

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Inside Mountain View

MV actress/playwright Garvin wins NY festival award for

MV actress/playwright Garvin wins NY festival award for "Corners Grove"


Courtesy of Undiscovered Countries
Kaela Mei-Shing Garvin received a New York arts festival award for a featured role in “Corners Grove,” a play she wrote.

New York recognized that one of Mountain View’s own can “make it there” when the Planet C...

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Local mediators write book on 'Unexpected Gift' of conflict

Conflict is never pretty, but most people could learn a thing or two about resolving it from the new book “Conflict – The Unexpected Gift: Making the Most of Disputes in Life and Work” (iUniverse, 2013).

Written by two experienced local mediators, Jack Hamilton and Elisabeth Seaman, the book compiles useful tips that have proven effective over two decades of trial and error.

“We’re giving them the tools they can use in their own lives,” said Hamilton, who teaches at Stanford University and co-authored the book with fellow mediator and business partner Seaman.

Sharlene Gee and Hillary Freeman also contributed to the book.

As a volunteer mediator with the Palo Alto Mediation Program, Seaman facilitated one of the breakout groups in a December 2012 meeting to gather input on five facilities-sharing scenarios for Bullis Charter School and the Los Altos School District.

Hamilton regularly gives talks for local groups, including a book discussion earlier this year at BridgePoint at Los Altos. He also headed a training session for volunteer mediators with the Los Altos, Mountain View and Palo Alto mediation programs.

Both Hamilton and Seaman have served as volunteer and professional mediators for 20 years.

Conflict is “a result of unfounded assumptions about each other. It’s the assumptions that trigger the emotions,” Hamilton said.

The book introduces a “Ladder of Assumptions”: Step 1, Assumptions of the Facts; Step 2, Interpretations; Step 3, Motives; and Step 4, Generalizations.

“It’s a metaphor for how the human mind works,” Hamilton said.

Built into the book are methods for helping people identify and write their own ladders, he added.

“Some people see things as black or white,” Seaman said. “Things are more generally complicated than that.”

The first step to resolving conflict, Seaman said, is to “become aware of how our thinking processes work.”

Next comes something that people in general don’t do well – listen. The authors underline the importance of becoming an attentive listener. They offer a four-step process to improve communication: encourage dialogue by drawing the speaker out, clarify statements to understand more fully, restate to let the speaker know you’re listening and summarize to review what’s been said.

Good listening, they said, breaks down stereotypes and preconceived notions about the opposing party.

“When people come to mediation, they’re breathing fire,” Hamilton said. “(Mediation) enables disputants to get a sense over time of who that other person is.”

For instance, Hamilton said that because his educational background and experience was greater than Seaman’s, he figured her ideas would not be as good and thus more easily discounted.

“As long as I held her in that box, I would never have heard her good ideas,” he said.

Seaman pointed to a case between two brothers who had a conflict over property, and, more importantly, did not get along with one another. Repairing the brothers’ broken relationship took precedence before any agreement over property could be reached.

“What kind of relationship are you going to have when this (agreement) is over?” she asked the brothers.

Another four-word mantra the mediators espouse: Stop, Listen, Accept, Collaborate.

Hamilton said the book is “pretty much for anyone 15 or older. It’s full of case studies.”

Other helpful advice includes learning how to apologize effectively, finding humility and becoming more self-aware.

And the “Unexpected Gift” referenced in the title? That, according to the authors, is emerging from conflict a better person.

“There’s a tinge of idealism here,” Hamilton said, a bit tongue in cheek, of his reasons for compiling the book. “We’re trying to build world peace one person at a time.”

Hamilton is scheduled to teach a conflict resolution class Jan. 10 to March 7 at Avenidas in Palo Alto. For more information, call 289-5400.

“Conflict – The Unexpected Gift” is available for checkout at the Los Altos main library, 13 S. San Antonio Road. Los Altos Voices for Peace purchased and donated the book to the library.

To order the book and for more information, visit iuniverse.com.

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