Discipline is an important part of raising your child, but it’s not always easy. As parents, you can find information on the topic, but it’s important to develop your own style of discipline.

As you choose your discipline methods, you should align them with the following goals.

• Protect your child from danger.

• Teach self-control and self-discipline.

• Encourage a sense of responsibility.

• Provide a sense of caring.

Effective discipline does two things: It sets limits on your child’s behavior, based on age and ability to make decisions, and it provides positive feedback for good behavior.

Many parents have difficulty finding a balance between being too strict and not strict enough.

Having no rules is dangerous and frightening for a child. This may cause a child to act out to get parents more involved in making decisions. On the other hand, inflexible limits cause rebellion in children, especially as they grow older and want to make their own decisions and express their individuality. Discipline and limit-setting provide balance between these two extremes.

Following are some suggested parenting strategies.

• Provide your children with reasonable, limited choices based on their ages and abilities to make decisions. Be clear and consistent in establishing limits and boundaries for behavior.

• Be sure your rules are clear and consistent. It’s important that both parents are on the same page about the rules, and that babysitters and relatives know and follow them. Maintaining consistency reinforces the seriousness of the rules and consequences.

• Be clear about the consequences of unacceptable behavior. Follow through with those consequences.

• Try to stick to a schedule. Children feel more secure with a regular routine.

• Demonstrate your love. Tell your children that you love them and that they are special to you. Give lots of hugs and kisses.

• Praise your children. When they learn something new or behave well, say you are proud of them. This is a powerful means of positive reinforcement.

• Help your children feel safe. Comfort them when they are frightened. Show them you have taken steps to protect them.

• Saying “Do as I say, not as I do” doesn’t work with children. Children learn by watching, and effective parenting is about setting a good example.

• Practice patience. When you follow a consistent discipline regimen, it will ultimately be easier on both you and your child.

Rachel Young, M.D., is a family medicine physician at the Palo Alto Medical Foundation’s Redwood City Center. PAMF and column editor Arian Dasmalchi provide this column.

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