Q. Any tips on how to make my favorite holiday, Thanksgiving, less physically exhausting?

We open our home to two other families with teens, plus strays. The sheer volume of work has become the Thanksgiving memory … not the joy of gathering people we love around the turkey.

A. First of all, kudos to you and your family for sharing the spirit of Thanksgiving by opening your home to others - in spite of the extra work.

If assigning each family/guest a portion of the meal to bring is not enough to lighten your workload, here’s another idea that will still (unfortunately) be work, but a happier load because of the fun and good energy from the teamwork.

1. Two weeks ahead, make lists of everything that needs to be done.

2. Spread the workload over two weeks; for example, set up tables, polish silver and assemble serving pieces. Make a decorated Thanksgiving table off-limits until “the day.”

3. On Thanksgiving Day, have only the food need your attention.

4. This is the fun part: Invite everyone to come in the morning and have a cook-in! Make up teams of your guests. Assign each team a part of the meal. Mix the families and ages. You have recipes, ingredients and equipment assembled. One group does the stuffing. Another does dessert, another the vegetable, and so on.

KEY: The last team (which does not include you) does cleanup. You go for the walk or sit (now there’s a concept!) and watch the football game.

KEY: Make the lists and spread the workload over two weeks.

KEY: Kids love coming to the table to taste what they made.

KEY: Kids learn to appreciate the years of mom’s hard work.

KEY: As adults, we take for granted that our children know how much work goes into preparing a huge meal, because they do have eyes, don’t they? On the contrary, what kids take for granted is that mom and/or dad will make the meal happen.

KEY: The goal is not perfection but teamwork and experiences for the family memory bank.

KEY: Kids get tuned on to the creativity of preparing a meal.

KEY: Next year when the kids say what they want to prepare before you’ve even started your lists, you’ll know you did a good thing this year.

Happy feasting on the day-after leftovers.

Q. Any tips on how to get along with the grouchy, negative relatives who seem to come to family gatherings only to complain and criticize? We also have the alcoholic uncle whose behavior, drooling and slobbering, occurs about halfway through the meal.

A. One tip: Don’t invite them. Okay, that’s a flip response to problems many families have. Even though it is a real option, most families don’t want that solution because the holidays are “family days.”

The tips are really quite simple. Besides not inviting them, accept the fact that they are your grouchy, negative and alcoholic relatives and that what comes out of their mouths says more about them than about you. Have a family meeting before the holiday, and say it like it is about these relatives. Let your kids vent as well. At the end of the meeting, decide how you’ll deal with the ugliness of meanspirited people. You don’t want to descend to their level, but neither do you want to be pulled down by them.

Accepting the fact that some people, even our own relatives, are less than perfect allows us to live the life we want. People make choices; they’ve made their choices. Your choice is to open your hearts and home to the less fortunate.

Judy Duque is a licensed Marriage, Family Therapist practicing in Mountain View. She may be reached at 941-1000 or at jsduque@mac.com