By Kerri Havnen Gordon

When I answered the phone early one morning, a man’s breezy voice was on the line. “Is Kyle there?” he said, referring to my 17-year-old son. “I’m not sure he’s up yet. Who’s calling, please?” “Corporal Such and Such from the U.S. Army,” the man replied.

“You have got to be kidding,” I said.

A little put out, he said, “No, I am not.”

“I guess I forgot to put our name on that opt-out list to request not getting these calls. Please do not call here again. Are you putting our name on the list?” Mama Bear asked.

“I will put your name on a list.” I noticed he said “a list,” not “the list” and felt suspicious.

“Does that mean you will not call here again?”

“Yes.”

Flustered, I hung up and was immediately irked.

Let me get this straight. My son is too young to vote and too young to drive after midnight in California. The legal age to drink alcohol is 21, but if he joins the military at 17 with parental consent, he could be handling a machine gun before his 18th birthday.

Parental consent, or lack of it, was precisely what annoyed me, since the recruiter failed to get mine when calling our home. Instead he asked for my child, using his first name ever so casually, as if he were calling to invite him to a barbecue instead of boot camp.

Perhaps I should pity the poor military recruiter. In a country that is becoming increasingly intolerant of the war in Iraq, finding people willing to go there keeps getting tougher.

Fortunately for recruiters, a little-known clause in the 2001 No Child Left Behind Act requires school districts to provide the military with names, addresses and phone numbers of 17- and 18-year-old students unless parents have signed an opt-out form. This, I believe, is ethically suspect. The consent should instead be an opt-in form, so that if parents fail to return the form sent from school, the default position is non-consent.

School districts must comply if they want federal funding. Military recruiters have even been known to show up at high schools, and not just behind a recruiting desk. The Defense Department’s Bill Carr has said that recruiters are a “welcome” presence at school events. “You might find a recruiter … attending a sports event or even a sports practice.” The thought of a recruiter interrupting my son’s cross-country practice is appalling.

While joining the army can be a great option for many teenagers, it is not part of my son’s plan for his future. Next fall he’ll settle into a dorm room as a full-time college student. His life will include classes and socializing. What it won’t include is the military. What it won’t include is Iraq.

I should mention that I am against the war, always have been, even before the infamous “Mission Accomplished” sign went up on that aircraft carrier. We are a weary nation. We are sickened by headlines that include beheadings, insurgencies, prisoner abuse, kidnappings and so forth. But most of all, we are anguished by pictures of fallen soldiers - young, solemn-faced men and women in uniform who could be our children.

Not my son.

Not your son either. I do not wish Iraq on any of our sons and daughters. When we think military these days, we do not think opportunity or even the honorable call to service. We think Iraq.

Gordon writes The Living Experiment monthly for the Town Crier. E-mail: livingexperiment@pacbell.net