By Jean Hollands

“He doesn’t know what he’s doing.”… Sorry, he’s the boss.

“She is not organized, she’s sloppy, she’s stupid.” Sorry, she’s the boss.

“He is not conforming to our CEO’s platform analogies. He is missing the boat.” He is still the boss.

“But she never gives credit to anyone else. She misses deadlines. She is too ego-oriented to understand our team goals.” Sorry, she is still the boss.

We are often visited by frustrated employees who seem to forget who is in charge. They believe if the boss is incompetent, they have the right to generally disregard the orders or assignments from this manager.

There are times when you must go upstairs to the boss. You may even need to go to the Human Resources Department, write your grievances, record his mishaps or quit.

But in this column, I am discussing the boss or manager about whom you can take no positive action yet. Here are the rules:

1. Be patient. Someone else will ultimately decide he is not OK.

2. Be patient. The board may be contemplating her demise at this moment.

3. Be respectful. He may have a different working style or a different way of decision-making than you.

4. Be respectful. She may have a bigger picture than you have or she may not have all the information you have.

5. Be empathetic. He may have overwhelming problems at home. Or she may be living with dreadfully bad news on other fronts.

6. Be empathetic. She may feel overwhelmed by your preconceived judgments and not be able to speak or act rationally around you. He may worry that you are smarter, sharper, more politically clued in, and he just can’t cut it when he thinks about you.

What to say when frustration mounts:

“I hear your dilemma and I will try to adjust my plans around that.”

“You may have a point. Let me think about it.”

“I wish I could help out. I guess I just don’t understand your request.”

“I guess I’ve disappointed you.”

“Can you help me figure out why we have to do this with your format?”

Now, if you are the boss, first, don’t forget it! You are in charge. Your gumption and your decision-making ability will determine your influence potential.

Here are some suggestions for the rabble-rousers who do not seem to respect you.

“I know that you may think there is a better way to do this, but please put that aside for now and complete the assignment as I have suggested.”

“I am sure you are disappointed in my decision about this, and I know this is a difficult pill to swallow, but since I am in charge, I want this accomplished in my form.”

“You may be right about this situation, but given the bigger picture and my responsibility in the long run, I want you to address this crisis as I have explained it to you.”

“I want to feel your loyalty and I will do what is necessary to gain the respect I need from you.”

“This may not be an easy transition for you, but let’s try to work together.”

You may not feel your own power at times, but your underlings attribute the power to you anyway.

Keep your head up and “act as if” even when you are discouraged with your support.

Consult with those who respect and can support you. Expect disloyalty. Expect complaints. Expect dissent. Plan for the unrest. Someone will always want your job.

P.S. This is the only “downside” of your opportunity!

Jean Hollands, CEO, Growth & Leadership Center, author, Silicon Syndrome and Optimistic Organizations, is a management coach and corporate team-builder. Write to GLC, 1451 Grant Road, Mountain View 94040.