By Jean Hollands

Nobody wants a “no.” Plan on that. Plan on disappointment, frustration, tears, anger and revenge.

Don’t expect the receiver to be pleasant to you for the first shock wave. Be patient.

If you plan to say no and it is a big deal, please prepare the receiver wit

“I am going to have a hard time telling you this.”

“I don’t think you will be happy with what I have to say.”

“This is important.”

“I am sorry to be having to give you this information.”

The above is all preparation. The real “no” goes like this:

“This may be hard to hear, but I have to say no to this.”

“The answer is no. I imagine this is hard to take.”

“I can give you excuses and reasons, but I do have to say no.”

How your recipient receives the “no” will depend on your relationship and the status of the situation. If you have been in stress or had a difficult relationship with this person, you can start wit

“I know we have not been able to work well together yet.”

“I imagine you are not looking forward to this meeting.”

If you are a “disease to please” kind of person who hates saying no, try asking yourself the following two questions:

“How can I get out of this?”

“How can I delay my answer?”

To everyone in the world:

Don’t burn bridges. You may end up working for or with this person again.

Ask for a repair or recovery time.

Don’t expect a happy ending at the first session.

Try to repair by expressing the other person’s point of view - in his or her feeling words! “This is going to upset your family, your schedule and your life. You are not a happy camper right now.”

Jean A. Hollands, M.S., is founder and chairwoman of the Growth & Leadership Center in Mountain View. For more information, call 966-1144 or log on to www.glcweb.com.