Gate of Heaven offers services for grieving families
By Subadhra R. Sriram, Special to the Town Crier
 Joan Gallagher, sales manager for Gate of Heaven Cemetery in Los Altos, offers services considered unusual for cemeteries, such as grief counseling and Masses for families of the departed. |
The Gospel According to Matthew says, “Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Comforting mourners is one of the ministries of the Gate of Heaven Catholic Cemetery in Los Altos.
In April, the cemetery began offering free grief counseling to those who have suffered the death of a loved one. Bereavement minister Maureen Hilliard, a sister of Notre Dame, spends one to two hours a week helping small groups - 10 or fewer individuals - to mourn.
“It is unusual for a cemetery to have a bereavement minister,” she said. “It says a great deal to people that we want to be more than just a business.” The cemetery is part of the Diocese of San Jose.
Joan Gallagher, Gate of Heaven’s sales manager, said: “We are the only ones in the Los Altos area who offer these services.”
Hilliard added: “People need to express their grief. Unless their sorrow is witnessed and honored, people who have suffered a death continue to feel isolated and depressed. Allowing themselves to grieve and being in a group with others while doing so begins the gift of healing.”
The cemetery invites families who have lost a loved one to come to a memorial Mass on the second Saturday of every month. The names of the people who have died that month are read aloud. “The idea is to be in community and pray together,” said Gallagher.
These services are part of the National Catholic Cemetery Conference’s vision for the millennium. This vision is based on the premise that the earliest Christians worshipped together and wanted to be buried together close to their place of worship. Graveyards were located around parish churches, as today’s Catholic cemeteries still are.
The idea is that Catholic cemeteries take care of families and friends before, during and after the loss of a loved one. Therefore, in addition to ground maintenance, construction, planning and development, cemeteries now take on management and financial roles.
Enter the need for pre-need counselors. About a year ago, the Gate of Heaven’s nine pre-need counselors began helping families plan their funerals ahead of time.
“We talk to families about what kind of burial they want and help them explore options,” said Kathy Warren.
Families can choose traditional burial or interment in a tomb. Like other costs, burial expenses rise every year, but a family can lock in today’s prices by pre-planning, said Warren.
“People don’t want to deal with the inevitable, but once they realize that this will relieve the emotional and financial burden on their family, they feel it’s not a bad deal,” she said.
Gallagher said, “Pre-planning a funeral can make the passing away of someone a very special event - a celebration of his or her life.”
Gallagher’s positive attitude toward death was strengthened by a nine-year stint at the School of Pastoral Leadership of the Archdiocese of San Francisco. The program trained more than 5,000 people to be ministers and lay leaders in the church.
“It was there that I saw how much grief ministry helped people deal with loss. The loss is not always death. People lose homes, jobs, get divorced and so forth,” she said.
Gallagher’s career in helping others began in customer service at IBM and in the hospitality industry before she became a practicing Catholic. Then a Christmas visit to church with her father 10 years ago moved her so much that she came back to her faith.
Today, she uses the same spirit of customer service to help her clients come to terms with their loss.
“I want to educate the community on dealing with and planning for loss,” Gallagher said.
She laughs at the idea that working in a cemetery and dealing with death is depressing.
“There has been only one time in my life when I was scared of cemeteries, but today all I can think of is that I am helping people,” she said.
