By Charlotte K. Jarmy
Every day we see pictures and read stories of families saying goodbye to loved ones going to fight in Iraq. Because of this new kind of reporting, we are pulled into a war that has already divided our own country and much of the world. It used to be that slapping a sticker saying “Support Our Troops” was analogous to giving support to the war itself. As a contributor to several Air Force and other military groups asking for financial support, I am bombarded with address stickers, flag decals, and even T-shirts that reflect patriotic symbols.
I am slightly uncomfortable with these exhortations to back my country’s effort at war. Even the stamps with flags that I put on every outgoing envelope seems to be an exhibition of nationalism. Yet I am a firm believer that our country is as grand as the lyrics in “America The Beautiful.” We have daily reminders of the sad toll this war takes on individual families saying goodbye to their loved ones who leave with hidden fears that they may not return. I feel part of their sacrifice when pictures of those who have died appear on TV screens every night. Brave parents speak to us, and I can empathize with their sad faces.
I know first hand the deep burden of sorrow that remains all the years after. I wonder how the retired generals and other officers can discuss “our losses” without breaking down in tears. It takes training and experience to face the ugly reality of death for soldiers on both sides.
Saying goodbye recalls so many memories of parting: children going off to camp and then to college. These moments can also be rife with concern, yet they are the marking of the beginnings of life for many who leave the security of home.
After marriage, I said goodbye to my weeping mother who was sure that California was really the end of the world. I said goodbye to a sweetheart who left to finish his education while I stayed home to finish mine. I remember the sense of loneliness and regret that envelops the one left behind. Every parting holds the possibility of unknown danger. But now I can smile looking back at the melodrama that colored those peaceful times.
Independence comes at a cost. Recently I had a rather painful parting with my young aide, Ana, who had helped me through the ordeal of surgery and recovery. There is much to be learned from parting. I realize now that I had held on to her too long, that I really could accomplish most of what she had done for me now that I had regained my strength. I realized also that my good husband needed more of my attention after his months of being captain of our household. Although the parting was difficult, Ana is still my friend whom I will always cherish.
How different that experience is compared to wartime goodbyes. Those of us at home carry an obligation to be strong despite the horrors of destruction. Perhaps sharing our strengths with others can help to create the bond our country will need. The road ahead will be bumpy and worrisome for all of us. I believe now I can put the “Support Our Troops” sticker on my car without feeling torn by conflicting emotions.
Charlotte Kaye Jarmy is a Los Altos resident and longtime contributor to the Town Crier.
