By Judith S. Duque

Keys to Parenting

Q: The wide TV coverage of the 9/11 anniversary got me thinking about how I should handle such programs with my children. Should they have watched a little, some or all of the coverage?

A: In such situations, the answer depends on the age of your children. Little ones, in the preschool and early elementary years, don’t need to see graphic images of violent events.

Children in the later elementary years might benefit, but with parental involvement. There should be a dialogue between parent and child to put the event in a perspective that the child can understand.

Middle and high school children should be able to handle the images. To bring these images home, the personal stories of children who lost their parents on Sept. 11, 2001, could be the start of some wonderful conversations between you and your child.

Key: You, as the parent, are in charge and must set the stage for what you want your child to take away from the television-viewing experience.

Key: During the Vietnam War, many of us saw - and have never forgotten - the shocking photo of the Vietnamese girl on fire running down the street. That one image was enough for my family to never turn on the TV news until after the children were in bed.

Key: If you or anyone you love has experienced a loss recently, it’s probably best not to watch anniversary programs of violent events such as 9/11. The trauma of loss can be re-experienced, because the feelings of anger, fear, sadness and depression can resurface.

Key: Experts advise that we strengthen our ties to others. A preference for socializing, as opposed to withdrawing, indicates a resilient personality.

Following is an excerpt from the book “Fish! Tales” by Stephen Lundin, John Christensen, Philip Strand and Harry Paul: “Close your eyes. If you were going to hire someone to be your parent, picture the perfect parent. How much time would they spend with you? How would they show their love? How many hugs would they give you a day? How would they listen to you? Now open your eyes and be that person. Because if you’re that, you’re awesome.”

Judy Duque is a licensed marriage, family therapist in private practice in Mountain View. She may be reached at jsduque@pacbell.net or 941-1000.