By David MacKenzie

Commentary

Architectural renditions of the proposed new town hall for Los Altos Hills show an impressive structure thrusting skyward over once apricot land. A friend remarked that it “resembled the sort of monument some petty Central American dictator would demand to have erected in his memory.” We have learned a bit about how dictators operate from watching the antics of our mayor this past year. Do you suppose she’ll insist it be named “Casa de Casey?”

If to me the structure seems a bit ostentatious, it’s just because I’ve lived around here too long. Today it seems perfectly appropriate and it should blend well with estates (all of us live in “estates” according to real estate for sale ads) priced at $12 million, six car garages, swimming pools and spas, temperature controlled wine cellars all behind massive entrance gates.

The latter always amuses me. They seem designed for English country property where, upon entering, you drove a distance through lush places, grazed by reed deer, until you came to the manse itself. Locally, a rotten apple lofted over the gate by a ruffian would splatter the front door.

If we’d like to be known as a “friendly town” the gates don’t help. Imagine a good-hearted lady, hearing that a new neighbor just moved in down the road and decides to welcome him with a jar of homemade jam. Gift wrapped by her side she drives o the front gate and presses the buzzer:

VOICE: What do you want?

NEIGHBOR: Hello, I’m a neighbor with a small welcome gift.

V: You don’t look like a neighbor.

N: Oh, why?

V: You ain’t driving an SUV. How old is that car?

N: Several years and it does need washing.

V: Lady, just put the package under the gate. I’d come out but my bomb-sniffing dog is at the vets getting liposuction.

At least the voice is following advice given by our President: be on the alert at all times for evil ones up to no good. Trust not even your neighbor. In fact, if you have some spare time, why not spy on your neighbors as a warm-up exercise? Then report any suspicious actions, such as using a leaf blower to dry laundry on the clothesline.

But this warning about terrorists is one reason why we should have second thoughts about erecting a large, impressive looking town hall. Could it become an attractive target for the evil doers? Will it be added to their “must do “list along with the Golden Gate Bridge, the Santa Cruz Mystery Spot, Coit Tower and the Los Altos Senior Center?

With this in mind, perhaps we should consider housing our town officials in structures no terrorist would waste a Molotove cocktail on. How about a group of one-story structures that resemble hen houses on the outside.

Of course, inside all units would have everything needed to run government business efficiently. Pencil sharpeners, shredding machines, soft drink dispenser. It’s to be hoped that the hard working, loyal employees will get more adequate facilities soon. But everyone must sacrifice until bin Laden is caught or the Chicago Cubs win the World Series. Whichever comes first.

Adding to the camouflage, a windmill and water tower might be considered. Both non-functioning but a cuckoo clock on the tower, and a rooster replacing the coos, to sound out the hours. A nice bucolic touch.