By Clyde Noel

Grass proves more trouble than it’s worth

Side of Clyde

There’s a big sign outside Ace Hardware that says “Prepare your lawn for summer.”

I have. I’ve fed it, watered it, mowed it, raked it - and watched it die anyway.

Lawns may be one of the most stupid things to have come along in the suburbs.

Let’s face it: Grass is boring.

It’s not colorful, it doesn’t attract butterflies, birds or bees.

The only things grass attracts are grubs, sod worms, gophers and weeds.

I’m constantly battling dandelions, thistles, oxalis, chickweed and clover, which naturally thrive in my lawn.

With all of these drawbacks, how does one explain America’s continued love affair with lawns? According to a recent report in Sunset magazine, 20 million acres of U.S. land are covered by lawn.

About 32 million pounds of pesticides were used on U.S. lawns in 1998.

The report goes on to say that 35 percent of all household water is used to tend yards.

Perhaps the lawn is popular because it is one of the few places around the house where a man can show initiative.

At my house, the lawn is a little place of my own, on an acre of land with fresh air and breathing space.

It’s a space for kids and pets - part of Los Altos Hills’ culture and part of Americana.

It’s the same in Los Altos.

I have a friend who also agonizes over his lawn.

He has a 6-foot-by-2-foot patch of earth between the curb and the sidewalk.

He aerates it, fertilizes it and even seeds it.

The plot isn’t much larger than the plot they will bury him in.

He is out there on his knees every day, trying to grow grass and pull the weeds.

I feel sorry for him because, even in that small plot, he has trouble with dandelions.

Clyde Noel is a longtime contributor to the Town Crier. He may be contacted at 948-9000, ext. 820.