By Judy Duque
Keys to Parenting
Q: A few weeks ago, there was an article in the newspaper about a high-school official in Poway who sent home girls who were wearing thong underwear. My understanding of underwear is that it is underwear, and unless the wearer wants it to show, it doesn’t show. Can you help me understand this picture?
A: You must understand that I have no more facts than what I get from the newspaper, so I’ll just proceed with a gut response. I see two pictures, neither of which makes me smile. What I see in my head is a school administrator running around looking up girls’ skirts. This is not a picture I like! And I also see, or think I see, that there must have been some mighty short skirts for the school official to be able to see that the girls’ underwear was of the thong type. My belief about underwear is the same as yours: It doesn’t show unless the wearer chooses to show it.
The part of this story that got me was that the parents were outraged when they found out that the school official had checked their kids’ underwear. Well, I was outraged as well. But where were the parents when their kids left the house with outerwear so minimal that the general public would know they were wearing a thong? I can’t condone the school official’s behavior, but I am angrier that there are parents out there who think so little of their (precious) kids’ safety that they would let the kids put themselves in harm’s way.
KEY: Parents are abdicating their parental responsibility by not educating their teens. They put their kids in danger by not sharing sex facts that might help keep them safe. A parent’s job is to provide their children with the facts of life in order to keep their child out of harm’s way.
KEY: Biologically, adolescents are hot; but they think, “Bad things can’t happen to me.” Parents need to talk about sex to their sexual kids. They need to discuss things such as what turns others on and what constitutes “teasing.” Teens know the sexual words and feelings; they just don’t think consequences or that anything bad can happen to them.
KEY: Knowledge is power, but the knowledge must be communicated from parent to child.
Judy Duque is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice in Mountain View. She may be reached at jsduque@pacbell.net or 941-1000.
