By Judith S. Duque

Keys to Parenting

Question: I keep up with the shifting winds of thought on the pros and cons of two working outside-of-the home parents versus one parent working. I’m just not convinced that it’s a bad thing for children to see their parents working for a goal of a bigger and better car or a bigger and better home. Do you really think that two parents working outside the home is a bad thing?

Answer: You really know how to put it to me! How can I argue with the logic of a goal of working to replace an unsafe car or life in a shack as not worthy of work? My premise has always been, How much is enough? Each family has to answer that for themselves. Two bedrooms, three bedrooms, a dozen bedrooms, who really cares? The question from me to you is, who is driving your family value system? You? Or those pesky Joneses who never seem to move very far away?

Key: Does working toward a certain goal take away from kid-time? Reevaluate the goal with three kid-oriented questions in mind: 1) Will the kids, or the parents, or both, benefit from the goal being achieved? 2) Does the time away from the kids impact the parent-child relationship in a negative way? 3) Who is raising your kids in your absence? If there’s no penalty for the parents or the children, then two working parents aren’t a bad thing.

Key: Actions speak louder than words. Keep in mind there is a good chance that many more of today’s parents will raise their children’s children. The parenting that kids observe and experience is what they will mimic. The choice of how you want them to parent is in your hands.

Question: How can we get more family time?

Answer: Pray for a power outage? Seriously, power outages will force family time. How about looking ahead to what a power outage might mean in your home. Plan for it. This is an opportunity for a family meeting to brainstorm how the family will survive.

Key: Fast forward to 2010. The family is reminiscing about 200l, when the power went out. They recall what an adventure it was, and they wonder why what was then an inconvenience makes them feel so close when they remember …

Key: Again, actions speak louder than words. A family meeting, planning ahead and time to be together … an experience becomes a great memory and, perhaps, a blueprint for future parenting!

Judy Duque is a licensed marriage, family therapist in private practice in Mountain View. She may be reached at jsduque@pacbell.net or 941-1000.