By Jean Hollands
Jean on the Job
Companies turn around. Bosses do get the message. Employees do change. Customers come back. These reconciliations happen more times than you can imagine. If you are faint-hearted, a “ship jumper,” as I call you, you may not even be planning for this possibility. This second, third effort takes guts, courage, confidence. Okay. So you don’t believe reconciliations happen. Then don’t read this. But if the big IF happens, please run back to these words. We can save your business relationship, or better yet, your business, by urging you to read this.
These reunions happen. Bill Gates and Scott McNealy could become friends one day. Steve Jobs and Larry Ellison are friends. Jerry Sanders and Andy Grove could get happy together. More likely, though, you and your archenemy can learn to work together.
Not all disagreements cause relationships at work to fizzle and die. Many are the springboards to happy, healthy and long partnerships. No matter what the form of your reunion give this some thought.
You may be re-connecting after a trying period. One or both of you have been slighted, rejected or even betrayed. Yet, you still have to spend eight hours or more a day in the same building. I can guarantee that both of you have been misunderstood.
When you try for reconciliation, the level of paranoia and phobia and rejection anxieties really begin. You may be worrying that you are not sure you know what you are doing or whether this is all worth it. You may feel ambivalent, worried or just ambiguous.
Is it worth the trouble?
People do change. They stop the games; stop being neurotic and stop being hypervigilent. You, then, must decide that this time you will trust again, on the premise that your relationship will be good for everyone, you, the business, the customer, your colleagues. When you try giving the benefit of the doubt, you both have an opportunity to try being different with each other.
We expect so much
Reconciliations are really short recovery periods. If you had been run over by a 10-ton truck you might give yourself a year to recuperate. If you had a tragic interruption in your career, allow yourself the same period to fully recuperate.
Most of us don’t allow for the recovery period. We rush toward “business as usual” in the relationship. One or both of you have been misunderstood, felt rejection or betrayal. One or both of you may have experienced the most dreaded of business diseases judgment. This requires the same amount of recovery time as open-heart surgery. Give yourself the time you need.
The trouble is, the time you need must also be shared with the very source of most of the original pain. Now, how do we recover when the dumb bunny is sitting right there. In fact, doing some of the same things he or she used to do before the heart surgery was performed? It’s difficult because our grief is mixed with anger, fear and abandonment.
While the recovery is under way, simply be patient with both of you, expecting slips and knowing that you will not be productive working partners yet.
Next week: More on reconciliations.
Jean A. Hollands, CEO, Growth & Leadership Center, author, “Silicon Syndrome: How to Survive a High-Tech Relationship,” “Optimistic Organizations” and “Red Ink Behavior: Measure the High Cost of Problem Employees,” was voted Business Woman of the Year in 1986 and 1996. Write to GLC, 1451 Grant Road, Mountain View, 94040.
