By Jean Hollands
Dissent and commit, out loud!
We got a call today from a non-profit organization that asked us to do conflict resolution for their organization. Well, really, it was team-building, but they said the real problem is that no one ever speaks up in the board meetings. The executive director knew there were problems, but the frustration never makes it to the boardroom table. Why not?
Companies and organizations, profit or not for profit, can all have the same dilemmas. People don’t like to express the dissent part. Well, they actually do like to talk about it, but preferably behind closed doors, at the water cooler, or to someone not involved in the final result.
Why can’t we tell the truth in front of other people? Why are there companies in this valley where people will not even fill out evaluations on each other? Do we fear reprisals or are we just afraid to tell our truth in front of another human being who may be hurt or affronted by the information?
All of the above. It is human nature to talk about someone more easily than to someone. I may have said this in this column before, but it is one of my universal truths gleaned from 20 years of listening to people and then asking them to repeat the accusation in front of their problem. It is hard to look into the eyes of your dilemma and feel as badly as you do when you cannot see that employee. We rev each other up when the bad guy is not present. “Yeah, and when I do it, he does … And did you hear her when they made the announcement?”
So how does a board or a corporate staff encourage dissent? With structure. With setting up the moment. With courage. With a neutral party. With hope that you are all strong enough to handle some uncomfortable moments. With the belief that telling the truth, airing some frustration, can actually lead to a more authentic set of team players.
It is up to the leader, or the most courageous one on the team to start it off with:
“I would like to express my concerns. This will be hard for me. I don’t want anyone running off. I want to be able to finish my sentences. I want to do this to clear the air and to start over. I am not on a witch-hunt. We are all trying to do our best, and we seem to overlook some interpersonal nuances which may impede our progress. I am willing to have you start with some complaints about me.”
Now, if all remain speechless, give them the multiple-choice questions:
“Do you see me as too negative on the subject of project?”
“Do you think I am biased for the people in project?”
“Do you think I stop discussion when Mary speaks?”
“Or do you just believe my mind is set and I am not open to feedback about …?”
The first intervention will not be completely successful. There will always be the person who interrupts with, “I did not come here for this. If I want fighting, I can go to a boxing match!”
Don’t give up. Ask for alliances when you think some others are courageous enough to pursue the conversation. Talk about the next time. Create team rules. Reinforce the brave speakers. Keep reminding everyone that dissenting out loud will lead to the possibility of real commitment.
Jean A. Hollands, CEO, Growth & Leadership Center, was voted Business Woman of the Year in 1986 and 1996. Write to GLC, 1451 Grant Road, Mountain View 94040.
